Lately...

boycaughtlove.blogspot.com

Boy Caught Love

If my chest is a limestone prison, my heart is the iron gate. This head atop my shoulders is the warden, and every limb is on lock-down.

Like each and every one of you.... I've felt the weight of the world on my shoulders, but I made room when you asked for a ride.

I just wanted you to see further than the rest of us in the crowd. Midnight joyrides. Your fascination was just the way I felt.

Flying Along The Ley Lines

There's so much comfort in being afraid.

The movie "Funny People" is the most impressive representation of who we were. Lie, cheat, steal, hide, blame.....rinse, repeat, deny, lie.....The keyboard is my confessional, but I have nothing to confess. I feel like Icarus on the runway. Time is just an illusion that has purpose.

Edgar Cayce is on the pull-out couch, dreaming of all the heroes with their heads between their legs. How this evening sky holds all of the stars above I'll never know.

Aokigahara

Attaching hope and expectation to a needle and a string, and sewing something warm to hold all of this in.

It's so easy to say, but harder to feel like this. A boy without a home for so many years. A soldier strung up on marionette strings. Hang your halo around the moon on your way out of town.

I'm just an open flame and a body full of oxygen.

Forty Bucks This Afternoon

Back in town to sell it all off. Running out of metaphors for clean slates and heart breaks. So can we promise to cut to the chase and lay it all out for one another? On the walk home the asphalt had the distinct smell of bus stops and skinned knees. A re-run of years before, just sprint for home.

Tree lined streets in a neighborhood full of phone-it-in friends. It's all like calling in an air strike from miles away. Dropping bombs and banking left. I swear on this blank slate to find the flat land if you'll just promise to send the chopper... just get us out of here.

This flare from my heart should burst through the clouds. Promise you'll make them aware... we're still here.

Orange smoke as freedom in an open field. I've seen the burners of the rescue jets going in the opposite direction too many times.

Autumn Eyes

There are times when her words felt like going home. A machine gun heart, firing at anything that moves. Walls leaning in to listen. Three.One.Two....

Open wound smiles blister in the winds off of Lake Michigan. Making melodies out of sad song mornings. Her skin, like moth wings fell to pieces amongst my fingertips. The only real conversations took place between her hands and my skin.

Tonight I took it all back, you included. Bomb scares on new blocks, this city shuts down in perfection.

Format Your Hearts

Now that I've been made new, I'm no longer my own. To you I can not promise that I won't fall, but between the flick of the switch and the start of your dreams I promise to remain.

Looking back, I'm pretty sure that this has all been prepared with exact precision, much like the wrinkles near your wrist while you sleep. No more naps in fighter planes and submarines. Baby worlds that are no longer at war.

Watching for meteor showers to appear as a million Magnificent Miles across the sky. When she said to "look out for love" did you take it as a warning, or a request? Me too.

Our Own Hotel Chevalier

Fell asleep on your chest and dreamt of the heart beneath. Woke up in a fog to what I'm sure was the first time that I heard Life whisper, "this is what you get."

My head delayed, and dust formed around all of the times I have loved... it was Death that appeared next, standing in the opposite corner... rolling his own tobacco.

I considered acting quickly to bury hope beneath the floorboards, but Life assured me to "go easy."

Life is always the flexible one.

Death on the other hand, never missing an appointment, disappeared into the shadows as the sirens below began to howl.

And while we lay here, the light in our hearts growing dimmer by the day... the smoke and gentle breeze in the battlefield beyond this bedroom remains. Letting us know that they're both still here.

Last Nights Best Hopes

Painting apotropaic eyes upon this ghostly vessel. My mind is warm and open late. Got off the train at Diversey just to see the Brewster Building in the moonlight.

Air raids in the afternoon had us running towards the fortress in our hearts. All we knew was to seal our dreams in jars, never forgetting to poke holes.

Stay away from the tracks because I'm pretty sure that death rides a horse... and that a six-shooter mixed with a 10 year battle is a recipe for disaster.

Clairaudience

It's that time of year when trees grow emotions and die... and I find myself less of a stranger in my own head. Consider yourself lucky if you think of your own as home.

The Second City stage is amazing. All of the pain and insecurity disappeared the instant I cleared my throat to speak their names.

She sings Kings of Leon at the top of her lungs. The cold weather will soon be ebbing through her veins. I once loved her in a way that only stool pigeons understand. There must have been so much hope in that morphine drip. I'm no longer failure's advocate.

Take The Blue Line to Damen

Back from the dead. I had that dream again where my own heart was sketched to look like nothing more than a clinched fist. You were trying to read my bleeding palm so I smeared it across a billboard just to remind us both that love is a role we play.

Wicker Park bound. Prepared to awake gold coated and wandering amongst the silver lined stories. Overcoming the reclusiveness of Pynchon.... we've all been dying for new outlets.

The ties that bind merely scratched our wrists in the last few months. Here's to the windy city and the ghosts of our futures.

Homesick

So many friendships are just false starts in the race towards being accepted. Here we are calling home. As children our parents swore we'd be fine if we would just do our best to fade into the blackout of blank stares. Here's to fast lives on the side of the road. Breakdowns with no tow in sight.

Let's hitchhike for our next great adventure. I'll never regret interstates and honest nights. Trapped in a midwest town where the high road has no parallels to main street.

Caught

This is the summer where empty threats sleep in empty beds. A summer where dreams become over-the-shoulder visions of a world that is nothing more than a jagged scar on the wrist of God. Atlantic waves crashing beyond my window... longing for the unsinkable spirit of Violet Jessop.

Miami nights vs. a golden sunset. Hope is somewhere around here buried in an old shoebox where I left it years ago.

Alibis point fingers as we stuff towels under hotel room doors... because she's supposed to be somewhere else with someone else and so am I.

Sometimes one night stands and fist fights feel the same when it's all said and done. So bring it on, both the morning and the regret. We wouldn't be doing this anyway if we didn't both crave the metallic taste at sunrise. She has a plane. I have Narcolepsy. Both an excuse to disappear.

It’s summertime 27 floors up and the heat waves don't really mean a thing. Been in bed all day sweating this one out with the phone off the hook. The truth will do that to you. Just wait.

Schopenhauer's Dichotomy

Did we mix last nights drinks with danger? Why am I experiencing an aftertaste of explosion and question marks? I remember that she smelled like midnight on St. Mark's Place, and gave me an overwhelming feeling that this morning would be nothing more than another sticky obligation. Just swear to meet me at the barricades.

Shaking Like The End Of The World

I got lost in her smile. Stood up and fell down. It's all black and white... and blue. Sought the heated flame with sunken eyes. Why can't I feel anything without you?

Headaches the size of my heart, but without the same intent. A movie without an ending. That's us... and I'm tired of writing you in and out of character. Love got erased, and now I find myself sitting in the back row watching previews.... screaming at the screen "something move me."

This place we're in is not home and I miss who we were. Everything has changed. Same rowdy friends. Same obnoxious regrets. Maybe next year I'll turn over that new leaf they're all raving about. Until then it's just me putting off chores and chasing Kerouac. Promise to disguise your innocence and run away with me one last time.

Lower Chelsea

I could have sworn that I died last night in my own sleep. It felt so real. The pain, the hurt, the "I'd do it again." Every single piece graced my heartbeat as we sped towards the sunlight... breaking through the blinds mid-afternoon.

The bathroom mirror is fogged over with my mistakes. Lets slip and fall once again, and put the blame on the tile... last breaths as smoke signals. Our heartbeats as wild fires burning up the opposite coast.

I am a malfunction of heart, hope, and forever.

"I didn't want to wake you up.... but I really want to show you something..."

You Better Look Out For Love

Growing up alone in your own imagination is nothing more than alright. I will forever be the lonely kid with a crown chasing wild things.

Inside all of us is hope... and imagination. Every single one of us should always be Where The Wild Things Are..... this book gave me life.

The "Voynich Manuscript" Of Love

Every now and then our souls become bears. Unaware of the change, we hibernate through fear... only to wake up next to the difference.

A calendar apart from something better, as we build pillars around those we truly believed in.

There's One In All Of Us

I just want to feel like a coin being tossed in the fountain again... to know that someone believes in me enough to make a wish.

True love as an escape route. In a time of war we don't really sleep... we just write.

It's even worse when you catch fragments of whispers... when you're up on the high wire for all of them to watch. Next time I swear I'll be using a net.

Back here on earth, the clouds hang loose off of your skin... as your lashes flutter. Midnight. I find myself calling you just to hear your voice(mail), anymore. It doesn't really matter (and never did) if you pick(ed) up or not... It was only about having some version of you to put me to sleep.

The truth is... once you've disappeared it's really not the big stuff that you regret. It's the small stuff... like not reaching out to those who needed it the most.

Loveless Wrists

The power lines are out... so blow the candles just the same on this town. It's easier to ignore our wishes that way.

Reinventing myself and the world around me. Semi-precious is the new aware. I’d sink to your city streets if I wasn’t buried in her hands. The sun is coming up while I'm coming down. All is fair in this war in my head.

You're already a classic at 26, and I'm more than sure you can spot my jealousy from space.

The (ac)Countdown Has Started

... Prepare for the Streisand Effect.

Once again it's a great afternoon for an air show disaster. When every other evening is just another plot, and we were the best selling authors. In their flashlight we are all stars anyway.

I miss your locket, and the way I felt inside. Secrets best left unsaid...

Good Morning Unshine

Been busy taking the final steps towards becoming the ultimate Black Swan. Holding all of the better times in the bottom of my throat and sleeping off decency.

NYC is a place where the skyline always twinkles and romance lurks around every limestoned corner. This is where brainy, nervous men charm young, naive, beautiful women in grand pre-war apartments. I'm ready for another May-December romance. I'm ready for chains we can believe in.

Arriving Too Late?

When you have nothing... you are what you love, not what loves you.

Never smirk at a ghost who may have made his or her own plans to come back to life. Sometimes your best laid plans were just their best intentions.

The loneliest part of "a year in review" isn't always the last few months.

MyFavoriteScars

She says I'm just like her father... I say she's just like the day I met her.

The truth is that I can't even remember who we are when we're apart anyway. She wears me out... on the town.

Down To Size And Almost Alive

Stole the feathers of hope from the wings of change today. I tried to tie them to a stick in an attempt to sweep it all under the rug. I guess the truth is that this thread only feels worn and frayed these days.

The air in my lungs feels stale again. I wish that I could take it back. The ceiling reminds me of the floor and I'm only sure that I've once again lost my sense of wrong and right.

Traced the cord from the hole in the wall to find out that this has all just been a lesson in charades. In fact, all that is really left of us is the words on pages left unturned.

This whole town is a blur. Running around in circles with the after-taste of girls who need the attention almost as much as me right now.

Romeo And Juliet In A Getaway Car

Watched the shuttle take off tonight... and as it pushed across the sky I was reminded that the flame always burns brightest just before the oxygen is used up.

Palm Beach nights, where the sidewalk ends and the stars lead the way back home. All the hardest, coldest people you meet were once as soft as water. And that is the tragedy of living.

Sending get well cards to fallen stars and signing them "I know how it feels." Took a shot at the world and missed, but I'll never stop reloading.

My "those were the years" have turned to "that was just a phase."

Heartwrecks and Highways

Midwest thunderstorms rocking me to sleep. Gave giving up a chance, but what did it ever really give me? Here's to hoping that you feel better than the way you make me feel.

I will forever be the sunset that gave up on the afternoon. Passing time towards clumsy hands.

Real life on hiatus. Calling in prescriptions for my hiccup heart.

I Can See All Of The Stars Are Out Tonight

In a field outside of town. A place where s/laughter... was so close to our hearts.

The bar napkin diaries of Overland Park. Where the real party began in our chests and ended at the feet of heroes we have yet to define.

Side effects from all of the things that I swore I'd never do. Things that rhyme with goodbye, and remind me of regret.

Trying to get a head start on their conclusions. Jumping the gun so to speak, but we both know I won't. Your name is my password. Protected and on the other side of lips.

Rome Didn't Fall... It Was Outsourced

Cain slew Able for acceptance... an attempt for love. We were always the pretty, petty thieves.

I want to live like the lost years of my savior. The 30 years or so that He ran free without narration. Forget-me-not eyes that cry when you leave them... that's where I want to be.

Repeat First Down

Throwing compasses out to sea, hoping you will find me. Wrapping ropes around the clouds hoping that you will climb down.

Television serenades. A room glowing blue. Letting the hands of the clock draw circles around me. Days spent sleeping on mistakes and taking walks on wishes. Thank you for always being my knock on wood.

The Hideous Strength Of The Carnival Barkers

Dabbled in reliability, but I'm not sure that I'm cut out for it yet. Anytime you need me just use your telescope. It's where my mind has been wandering.

I remember that night in New York City that I spent sleeping in Pamela Court dreaming of you.

You asked if I wanted to get coffee and I told you that I've only got a taste for regret. Now sugar up and let's go.

The answer is somewhere in the irony. The way that the prettiest colors of sunset are really just the prismatic effect of light passing through pollution.

Look Mom No Hands

Curious and careless is the life between our veins. We can't fake our way out of growing up. Let's just hold hands and promise to come alive with each other someday soon.

I'm the kid who took the training wheels off while mom and dad were at work. I swear I made it around the block that day when they weren't watching, but they only saw me crash as I was coming around the corner.

Old Enough To Know Bitter

Loving and losing are nothing more than a letter apart. I've got hundreds of broken halos just like the one you wear. Don't be so sure that I don't have my head in the clouds to keep you from noticing that my mind is running around behind your back.

Leaving all of the jokes in the attic so they'll remain over your head. I'm always weighing the odds instead of beating them.

Forever the sinking ship in the harbor.

This Battle Has Been Mine

Darkness disrupted by a whisper. Theres a splinter in my hand and I'm afraid to complain. I know you all think I have it so great but it's digging deeper and infection catches everyone. This has all been a metaphor to catch you up on the last six months or so.

Been waking up with last nights tears in my eyes instead of a view of yours in them. I write apologies on napkins... then crumble them up with all of my best expectations. Their head has been the pillow that I've rested my bad days on.

The rest of my life will forever be at your fingertips. A mile away from where I see you, but still can't see what you saw in me. Life went black when the lights went out.

My eyes continue to fall down for the count, as I swear to everyone else it's only a disease. I will forever be the narcoleptic to your knock out.

I've been screaming "I broke bones for you" in my dreams to just keep breathing. All of my best moves were made over breakfast anyway.

Condemned to forever be the mistake, while you are the correction. My twin is the backspace key... yet I'm in the hospital sick of trying.

The scars on my September wrists look more like smiles now. Settled for second best in the publics heart just so I could be there at all. Hopefully stuck in your ribcage on the way out of an exhale.

If we're still being honest with each other, I can't take it all in sometimes... the breath and the confusion. There are times when my clean conscience is only a blank stare with palms towards the sky.

My heartbeat is tidal. I just want to make you laugh again.

Cold Product

Life found these veins in the form of your name. If the truth ever really mattered, you were only really hot when you wanted something or when you were leaving.

Remember a year ago... it was my birthday and you were somewhere in NYC drinking off your dress? We all have MetroCards full of rides and stories. I know your stop and I just might not be there when you get off by choice this time around.

The alcohol is still just your cigarette smoke in my eyes. My stomach made a comeback and deserves more than an award. Catch me sleeping alone in my old clothes just to feel alive. Love used to be a wish on the very top shelf. Even I gave up on me. This is the first time I've been happy to have been so wrong.

Do You Still Believe?

Have you ever felt alone in the grand scheme of things? Stood up and let down? Welcome to a world where you and I are nothing more than imaginary friends. We only exist when they think of us.

A full moon crawls through the window leaving a streak of light across my room. It serves more as caution tape than an actual guide. A compass with it's back turned.

Hung my neck out for someone until it broke. Heard someone yell "drinks on the house" so I ran home to take a shot on the roof.

Stretch marks across my heart for all of the times I've misunderstood.

New keyboard, same words. Drain all of the color from the dead shade of sorry. Let's swear to be something more than enough this year.